Mission accomplished?

"After fighting everything else in your life has the volume turned down. You could deal with anything."

That quote comes from the bible for modern living that is Fight Club.

I'm writing this from a coffee shop in Koeln, where I've been facing first world problems all week since landing from Kenya on Monday. The very reason I'm here in Koeln is a first world problem; should we or should we not put a label on meat telling consumers if/how the animal was stunned before slaughter? And to add to that since Monday I've been facing the further problems of sorting out last minute meetings while following hierarchical procedure, preparing dull materials in German and making travel arrangements which will ensure I spend as little time in the dump that is Bonn. If you've never been, it's a village with two roads heading out from the centre which are lined with soulless industrial parks of government offices, four-person-office lobbying associations for strange products such as Ergaenzungsmitteln (vitamin and mineral supplements) and random international organisations. As a friend pointed out on Tuesday night, the UN organisation for bats is in Bonn. Seriously. For bats.*

But like our narrator in fight club, after what I've just been though in Kenya, these problems don't even seem like real problems. I'm finding myself just gliding through them. Their volume is turned down.

And with that bizarre introduction out the way, I thought I'd make a final post to talk about what I will and won't miss about Kenya now that I am (theoretically) back for good.

What I'll miss

1. Workmen and the house

I was warned by a cousin early in the process that the house will take your heart and soul. And she was right. Every day for 5 months I've slaved over that place. Suddenly it's finished and there is a void.

But just as much as I miss the house, I miss the people who worked there. The majority of them are honest, hardworking guys; it's heart-warming to find such people in a place and profession where many will just try to make a quick buck. Plus we had some pretty nice experiences together, me and the workmen. Such as eating nyama choma (roasted meat) and drinking beer together on the 50th anniversary of Kenya's independence.

2. Family                                                        

One of the greatest things about spending so much time in Kenya was having family so close. Even though I never got to spend enough time with them. But then again, when you're family is as big as my Kenyan one you'll never have enough time (my father had six direct siblings as well as a further 14 or so half brothers and sisters; and each of his direct sibilings has an average of six children; most of these children have in turn had children, about an average of two or three each; and then those children have also had children in a couple of cases. So how many cousins do I have? Take a guess at the bottom of the page...)

Still, we had some great times together, that is when I found the time to visit them. Which I know wasn't enough.

Hope you don't mind Nancy!

3. Food

Advocados . Tusker. Mangoes. Nyama choma. Matoke chips. Snack of champions (see below).

Plus it all tastes so much better after 10 continuous hours of physical labour and driving.

Snack. of. champions. Matoke chips and freshly made guacamole. My staple for several weeks.

4. Adventure

My wife thought she had tamed me. Even I thought, in the words of Danny Glover "I'm too old for this s..t". How wrong we all are. A leopard can't change its spots. Not completely.

Speeding through Nairobi traffic on a boda boda; hunting through Nairobi's dirty industrial area for random materials; spending time with my dukale guys; rally driving down a road through some beautiful countryside or cycling through hell's gate park.  All strange, but unique and (in different ways) exhilarating experiences.

5. The car

Katy might be a whimsical drama queen, but she's been my trusty companion through the whole experience. Except the days she refused to work. Which is actually about half of them.

Anyhow, I'll still miss driving her around. As well as the admiration she draws from bystanders. And the daily amusement of trying to fit increasing complex and large building materials in her.

Damn I love this photo.

All in all she did me well, even if she did force me to do stupidly dangerous things like drive 30km with only a handbrake because the normal brakes failed. Plus we had some fun together. I'll miss her.

What I wont' miss

1. The car

Pribbling-idle-head-giggletting useless rustbucket.

Surprise! I've broken down again....

2.Matatus

You just can't win with matatus. It's like that U2 song "with or without you.... I can't live with or without you". Except in the case of matatus, it's "inside or out of you.... I can't live inside or out of you". On a bad day, which is about half of them, inside you may feel like you're in a sardine tin death trap with a ghetto blaster. Outside, when you're driving your car you spend half of the time trying to predict what the matatu in front will do next. After all, matatus don't believe in using indicators. Or road rules in general for that matter.

3. Police. Maybe I'm too westernised as I'm used to a police who's primary role is to protect, and secondary role is to cause a nuisance (whether it be through inflexible adherence to stupid laws, ego trips, or occasionally hints of bribery). My impression of the police here in Kenya is that their primary role is to line their pockets, and secondary role is to do a bit of law enforcing.

4. Traffic. Picture this. 3pm in the afternoon, 33 degrees outside, stuck in the rust bucket which doesn't have air-conditioning meaning its closer to 40 inside. Four lanes of traffic as far as your eye can see on a road which officially only has two lanes with everyone blocking basically everyone. You need to pee and your engine gauge is in the red zone telling you the car could overheat at any time. You queue for 1 hour only to find out that the last hour of traffic and the fact you are now using your left foot for the accelerator and right for the clutch was all caused by nothing other than impatient drivers who would instead of waiting, tried to overtake causing gridlock in both directions. Welcome to Nairobi traffic.

5. Stress. I think these three months are the most hectic I've ever had, and I've had some pretty mad times. Working days have been 12+ hours long without breaks by the time you add on the administration and prep work for the next day. As my wife found out when she came to visit, it can get so busy that you can find yourself going without food or drink from when you leave the house in the morning till when you get back at night. Plus it's a seven day a week job. In short, construction is extremely stressful. If you've never tried you might think you just have to make a few nice decisions about colours while everything else just happens. The reality is far from that, it involves huge amounts of buying useless materials, going to the bank, trying to solve really annoying small things, going to the bank, making tough decisions, going to the bank, and cleaning. More cleaning than you can imagine. Did I mention yet that you also have to go to the bank? As if construction wasn't enough, the car and the trees added to the stress.

And my body is telling me now how stressful it was. Apart from gliding through problems the last few days, the other thing I've been doing is catching up with sleep. I've gone from sleeping 6 hours or less hours per night to sleeping at every possible opportunity.  Ahh, first world problems!

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But the house is rented! So finally the next trips to Kenya may be more enjoyable.

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* sorry Elaine. I still can't stand the place.