Wednesday, 29 January 2014

End game?

It's often said the last mile is the hardest mile. That is definitely how it feels in the case of construction. If you saw the house when arrived at the beginning of January and then saw it again now, you'd struggle to notice any difference. Actually, lets perform a little experiment. There are a series of photos below. One is from end December/beginning January, and one is from today. Which is which? Answers at the bottom of the page....

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So having seen that you probably think I've been sitting around with the workmen just enjoying the Kenyan summer for the last four weeks. Wrong! Actually a hell of a lot of work has happened in that time. But they have been minor things; but the kind of thing that if it isn't done, you will notice at some point. Examples? Repair and varnishing of skirting, curtain boxes, doors, door frames and wardrobe fronts; painting of windows and gates; repair and painting of wardrobe interiors; cleaning up of fireplaces; installation of mirrors and doorstops; straightening of lights; fixing of cupboard handles; putting up towel rails and toilet roll holders; and so on. They may sound minor and quick jobs, but they are actually fiddly and take a lot longer than you'd expect.

But the end is in sight in more ways than one. We are hoping to finish the interior before I leave on Sunday, which will just leave some exterior works to do. And most importantly, the end game is being reached; there is a seriously interested tenant who wants to move in March.


A house is meant to be lived in by a happy family. And so the end game has always been to have a happy family rent the place. Look after it and allow us to recoup the investment. It appears that we are closing in on that goal. 

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Answers: if the floor is shiny, it is from late December / early January, if it is dirty looking it is from today! And the bathroom one should be pretty obvious - painted walls. So that is 1, 4, 5 7 and 9 that are from today. Bet the shiny floor tricked you at least once! Secret is to look past it and at the little things; painted walls, repaired skirting, curtain boxes, painted windows etc. Should also say that some of the late December / Early January pics were carefully taken with a funky wide-angle lens and used in the advertisement for marketing the property. As photos are everything when marketing properties - think about which ads you replied to last time you moved flat/house!

Do the Nairobi Shake

It's like the Harlem shake. But Nairobi style.

As you can imagine, car drivers in Nairobi don't stop for pedestrians.  This leads to a strange situation where pedestrians start to cross the road, cars accelerate towards them, and the pedestrian does what I can only describe as the Nairobi shake to avoid the cars. How to describe the Nairobi shake? Well, it's both waddling and bouncing at the same time; the rear end propels the whole body forwards while arms dangle at the side.

It's a lot easier to watch than for me to describe, so checkout this video (the best examples are where it starts at 1:20 - this link - but there are plenty of Nairobi shakes in there before and after that. Plus  a narration about pedestrians flouting traffic laws and the threat of them being arrested for attempted suicide. If you are wondering WTF, just watch it all!)




You know you've been around too long when you find yourself doing the Nairobi shake as I did today. So if you see some guy crossing the road like this in Matonge next week, likelihood is it's yours truly!


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Matatu of the week

Look, I'm not going to be able to top the Hitler matatu this week. I'm not sure anything will ever top the Hitler matatu. But I've run into this one quite a few times this week and it makes me laugh. I think it's meant to be latin themed with a dyslexic person trying to write "Marco Polo" along the bottom. 
Magopollo or Marco Polo? you decide...

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Imekataa

Swahili for "it has refused". Something that is commonly heard on building sites in Kenya. Basically the person who says this is trying to tell you that an inanimate object (brick, cement, basin, pipe whatever) is responsible for the situation you are facing. Now I'm all for free will, but when it comes to inanimate objects making choices, well....

Admission of responsibility seems in many cases to be a fairly alien concept in Kenya. I have found that there is often a sad habit of pushing blame onto just about anyone or anything; more so than anywhere else I have lived. This is quite against my personal belief that responsibility for problems is normally a shared thing. No one person is fully responsible for a problem, and if you find yourself stuck in a mess you should probably acknowledge a bit of responsibility for it - even if it's only a small part.

Last week has been spent dealing with various issues of responsibility. While the majority of my guys (most notably my main contractor) have been good, I had also previously encountered  a couple of cases of responsibility dodging. One of the more amusing ones was where the guys came to lay the kitchen granite but only brought one grinding piece with them to smooth about 20 linear meters of very dense rock. Unsurprisingly enough it broke halfway through, and so they came to inform me that "this piece has let us down" so they would have to come back the next day with a new one. That was pretty minor though compared to the responsibility dodging of the last week.

Last Wednesday the guy buying the trees came to me to inform me that he's making a loss and he won't be able to make the final payment of the last installment. Now given this was a flat sales agreement with no performance related clause, and he proposed the sales figure of his own free will, I told him he would have to pay. Thankfully the sale is backed up by a signed agreement that reads like a short European Union legal document (implementing regulation!), and the threat of legal action should take care of that one. While he's enumerated all his problems at length in an attempt to get me to let him off the hook, there has been very little admission of responsibility from his side for his poor result, and yet a wish for someone else (me) to pay for it.

Then on Thursday it seemed like the nightmare of the solar installation was coming to an end. They had delivered the tank and solar tubes on Monday. How many tubes out of 24 do you think made it in one piece? Whatever number you have in mind, divide it by two and you might be close. Seven arrived in one piece. Out of twenty four. The solar installers were meant to come on Thursday to do the installation along with a replacement 17 tubes. So came the call, and the inevitable price negotiation which it is fair to say did not go particularly well. The guy I've been dealing with is a weasel of a man, and halfway through our negotiation, hung up and turned off his phone. Only when I called him back on the other line five minutes later did I discover he'd sent the installation guys out for delivery only as he deemed that him hanging up meant that we could not agree a price. And claimed he didn't hang up but that the battery died (yet didn't bother to call me back). Plus added that I should be charged for delivery as they are making so many trips. To which I politely told him where to place his delivery charge.

Then throughout the last three weeks I've been fighting with minor finishing issues. Leaking basins, inadequate water pressure to take a shower, gaps around windows etc. Mistakes happen, yet there is a lack of will to correct them in many cases, as if the mistake was not the person's fault. The plumber has been back about ten times to fix those basins, is complaining these trips are expensive, yet we still have four leaks. The window gaps are being dealt with, albiet grudgingly.

So where does my responsibility lie in all of this? I have to shoulder some of it. For the trees, I effectively performed a closed auction and took the highest bid. All bidders knew this was what was happening. So there was always a fair chance that the winner would end up with winner's curse. And in view of that, I should have been stricter on the timing of payments to avoid this situation. For the solar, I should have walked away and dealt with someone else. Though that is easier said than done given there are only three companies in Kenya doing reasonable quality solar water heaters; the others are hard to get to; and having already made a small payment for the survey I wanted to get it back (good money after bad). For the finishing, it's a harsh reminder that you have to be checking all the time. Both issues I had identified and talked to the contractors in question about. But talking once or twice is not enough in every case. You have to keep checking and checking, and if it's not being done right, keep reminding.

On the bright side, at least I'll learn some lessons for the case I ever do this again....

Monday, 20 January 2014

Sharing is caring

This construction adventure has been a lonely trip at times. I believe that in life in general, however introverted you are by nature (slightly in my case), a shared experience is a better experience. There are days you want to share your joy and frustrations. As you can imagine, doing something random like this malarkey is a bit of a roller-coaster, meaning you can be over the moon one day and feel like using the powersaw on yourself (or someone else) the next. 

I was therefore very happy to be able to share the last week of construction with my wife. She came from Belgium for a week to see how it was going. What she didn't know was that I had an intensive schedule of bathroom cleaning and material buying planned for her visit. Not that she complained. She was just happy to see myself and a completely transformed house. After all, since getting married last summer she's only seen me for a total of about 4 weeks, while last time she saw the house (in January 2013) it had its own indoor swimming pool and was occupied by a variety of insects, of the flying, crawling and even possibly swimming varieties.

Apart from a chance to spend some time together, it was nice to go through the ups and downs of the days side by side; moaning one day and celebrating the next. And a lot happened in that week. The inside almost got finished, and we had some serious prospective renters visit. One of them even went as far as to congratulate us on the great job we'd done. That was a nice moment to be able to share with a loved one.


Two more weeks until our next meeting.... but I should heed a previous post and stop counting the days.

This happened a few times during the last week. As it turns out, not everyone is used to white people! (sorry wife for using this photo!) 
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Matatu of the week

I pribbling-idle-headed-gigglet you not. This is an actual matatu. Alina and I crossed it three times during the last week and were still too shellshocked to take a picture, so I've had to steal someone elses's.

Now, the sarcastic among us would wonder how well it would go down if we drove a bus around Brussels with "IDI AMIN" plastered on the front. But sarcasm's not my thing. Really. Or maybe it is...


Friday, 10 January 2014

Making it count

Don't count the days. Make the days count. Muhammad Ali.

Coming back to Kenya has been a bit of a shock. It's hard to imagine two places more different than a quiet country house in Kent (where I spent Christmas and New year with friends and family) and hectic Luthuli Avenue in Nairobi (where I get my electrical materials).

The first day, as always was the worst. I arrived Monday night and the honeymoon period for being back in Kenya was about as long as Zsa Zsa Gabor's entire eighth marriage. By midday Tuesday I was asking myself what it is I'm doing here again. It even brought up the whole question of why exactly it is that we work?  Money? Self-fulfillment? Killing time?  We do seem to spend a lot of our lives just wishing time to pass.

Oh Matatus, how thou and thy driving have not been missed. But his particular matatu deserves a matutu of the week award for innovative naming and driving around in "floss mode" as indicated at the bottom!

But today's Friday and I'm almost adjusted.  Most workmen have returned, so I'm back in the routine of checking their work and doing material runs to the same old hardware stores. Most of the store owners know my by name by now, unsurprisingly, so I do get warm welcomes.

During a meeting with my agent today*, while discussing the timetable for getting this place finished and rented, he pointed out we have 21 days until works will stop as I have to leave, and the house should be ready to rent. 21 days. That's a scary thought for me.

Time to stop counting and make those days count.
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* Not previously mentioned but doing something like this requires house agent, accountant and lawyer as well as the architect, engineer and contractors...

Cunning linguists

Some people have commented that I may have a talent for languages (though maybe not for articulation :-D ). My mum has always said it's down to my Kenyan side. And I think it's a fair conclusion, as Kenyans are linguistically talented. What, you after some proof?!

There are two official languages in Kenya: (ki)swahili and English. But on top of that there are over 60 tribal languages, with very few which are similar. Before any Kenyan gets as far as learning one of the official two languages, they learn how to speak their "mother tongue", i.e. their tribal language (or Gujurati, Punjabi or Urdu in the case of many ethnic Indians*). By the age of 7 or 8, a large number of Kenyans are speaking three languages fluently; their mother tongue, English and Swahili.

The short version of languages in Kenya. Just because some languages are the same "colour" don't assume they are the same. It's like saying English and Swedish are similar because they are both Germanic. Ever tried reading Swedish?!

Then some guys take it even further.

As you can imagine, in certain areas, tribal languages are used as a first language. Take the area I'm in (Kiambu county). In most parts of the county, Kikuyu is widely use for verbal business matters. English and Swahili often come second. People of non-Kikuyu ethnicity therefore end up learning Kikuyu in order to get by / avoid being ripped off. Take my carpenter, an ethnic Meru for example - he speaks fluent Kikuyu. This is a guy who probably didn't even stay in school to 16, yet  he speaks a total of four languages: Meru (his mother tongue), Kikuyu, Swahili and English. Not many countries in the western world where you'll find such linguistically talented workmen.

On the flight on the way back to Kenya, I was reminded of Kenyan's linguist talent. It was a Kenyan Airways flight from Paris. On arriving in Nairobi, our steward welcomed us to Nairobi firstly in Swahili. Then in English. So far, so expected. Then in fluent (and I mean perfect) French. Ok, not entirely expected and impressive.

Then the other steward grabbed the mic, also a Kenyan. He welcomed us in Italian. Bit broken, but not bad. Then in German. Pretty good German as it happens. Then in Spanish with a Castillian accent with African twangs. By the time we'd been greeted in all six languages we'd finished taxiing  and could get off the plane.
I couldn't help but be impressed. These are people who I seriously doubt have had the advantage of living a year in these countries as many westerners (myself included , if I'm still a westerner nowadays!) do. It's very possible the second guy has never been to Italy, Spain or Germany for more than a few hours just on a layover with his job. I doubt Kenya Airways cabin crew are paid enough to go to these places on holiday. Yet somehow this guy managed to learn three languages to add to the three he no doubt knew already as a Kenyan. Kind of reminds me of a football mad cousin of mine who learnt how to speak Italian by watching Serie A games with Italian commentary.

Cunning linguists indeed these Kenyans.

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*There are about 100,000 Asians in Kenya who were largely brought over by the British in the early 20th century to build the Mombasa-Nairobi railway line. In case you wondered. Both cities have retained large populations which are economically very active.